The small rural town of Nimby in Cumbria was praised in the Commons today by Dave Cameron for their alternative energy scheme inspired by his Big Society plans.
Instead of erecting dozens of view-spoiling wind turbines, the community of Nimby, in collaboration with the local prison, invented their very own novel method of green power production. Their electricity is now generated solely by volunteer inmates from the local jail HMP Holidaycamp, by running on specially constructed giant hamster wheels all day long. Inmates are encouraged to participate in the scheme by imaginative use of cattle prods and batons by the prison guards, resulting in 100% of lags volunteering to take part.
Prison governor Miss Anne Thrope, gave a statement to the press today declaring the scheme a great success and expressed her gratitude to the inmates for their overwhelming support.
She spoke in glowing terms of her pride at being involved in such a radical, forward-thinking clean energy scheme – ‘we’re part of a paradigm shift in alternative power sources’ she said. She also noted that as an added bonus, the prisoners (who she warmly referred to as “my boys”) were now far too tired to even think about escape, rioting or any other funny business after lights out.
In a Commons speech earlier today, Cam told how the Nimby Big Alternative Power Scheme was an example to us all in community spirit and proposed that the scheme be rolled out across the whole country and extended to include the inhabitants of children’s homes, mental institutions and social housing. He went on to proclaim smugly that volunteering works.
Meanwhile, prisoner no. 3825633, Mr Reg Chokey, said in a smuggled-out message written on a rizla ‘the days of being banged up for 23 hours a day reading jazz mags, smoking roll-ups and wanking all day seem like a golden age now. You don’t know what you’ve got till its gone!’
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